I know you're out there. Maybe this is your first year in this situation, or maybe this has been you for awhile now. Your "New Years Resolution" at the beginning of last year was to have a child. To start your family. As Christmas is right around the corner and the year nears an end, you feel like a failure because despite all of your efforts and recommended treatments you are still not pregnant. You've had a heck of a year. You have tried everything. You've taken medications. You've timed everything the best you can. You've even tried every crazy little piece of advice people have to offer. Still you have had no success. You have watched numerous friends and family members post baby announcements, gender reveals, and pictures of their infants and toddlers all over social media. You may have even taken a break from social media so you didn't have that constant reminder of what you can not yet have. You've tried not to let this consume your life, but it has. You want with all your heart to carry a child. You wish you were playing Santa this year, or maybe even just using Christmas as a creative way to tell your friends and family that you are expecting. You may even have little baby outfits stowed away in a closet somewhere in your home waiting for the day when you can put them to use. You take a child's name off of the angel tree but it doesn't fill the gap of having your own child. You spoil your friends kids a little bit. You plead with Heavenly Father and you ask when it will be your turn. You cry far more than you would ever admit. This process tears you apart and yet you still have to go on living your life as if nothing is wrong. You go through the Christmas season and try to keep busy and stay as happy as you can.
This time of year family parties are in abundance. Everyone is asking what you want for Christmas. If you're like me you shrug your shoulders or tell them something practical like bath towels when really all you want is that second pink line to appear. Maybe you are open about your struggles and share them with those who are willing to listen, or maybe you keep it to your. Maybe you pretend to be content where you are. Inside, you feel like hole. You know something is missing. It saddens you more than you care to admit.
But I want you to know you are not alone.
You are so strong.
And I want you to have a Merry Christmas anyway. Take some time for yourself. Spend some much needed one on one time with your spouse. Remember to enjoy this incredible journey called life. I know it's hard and I know you're hurting, but try to cherish this holiday season, even if just for a day.
Merry Christmas.
