Some might say having periods like mine would be a blessing. I grew up rarely having any periods, Maybe one every 6 months or so in a bad year. I loved it. During my yearly physical I would always ask my Doctor what he thought about it. Why wasn't I on a regular cycle like most of my friends and now my younger sister? Every year he had excuses: I was too active, I was slightly over weight, I wasn't eating right. So I brushed it off and figured it would resolve itself with time though, as I got older I started to worry about the future. How was I supposed to have kids if I didn't have a period? If I wasn't bleeding did that mean I wasn't ovulating? I was full of questions and the things my Doctor told me just weren't adding up. My mom assumed it was PCOS but we didn't worry about it too much at the time. I didn't know that it would have such a big effect on my adult life.
I went in to an OBGYN for a premarital exam in March of 2016 and put me on birth control to regulate my cycles for the time being. She didn't want to do an ultra sound, assuming it would be a little too traumatic since I was a virgin and likely still had a hymen in tact. She gave me prescriptions for Provera to jump start my period and instructed me to start it after my honeymoon so we didn't ruin my honeymoon with a period. After not having a period in over 8 months, it came back with a vengeance on the second day of my honeymoon, even without taking the Provera. I was bleeding heavier than I ever had! (Which was probably pay back for never really having periods in Jr. High and High School) I felt gross my whole honeymoon, and we even missed our scuba trip, which I still feel guilty for.
When we got home I started the birth control, but my period never went away. I bled for almost 3 months straight. Aside from the bleeding, I felt depressed and tired all the time. We didn't like how it was effecting me. we prayed about what to do and attended the temple hoping for some kind of guidance. That June We both had a feeling we should go off the birth control and try to start our family. The answer took me by surprise for a little bit. My original plan was to wait a few years before we tried to have kids, maybe finish collage and buy a house first. But as always, God had other plans. I threw away the rest of my birth control and stopped it that day. Before to long the bleeding went away and I was back to my happy old self. We were both filled with a new excitement that we were going to start a family earlier than originally planned. I used an app to track my period. Once I told it I stopped bleeding it gave me an estimate of my fertile days. We used those days to our advantage and waited. Finally the app told me my period was due and if it hadn't arrived to take a pregnancy test. Negative. We didn't lose hope and kept trying. We told each other that if nothing happened within a few months we'd go back to the Doctor. I didn't realize that we were starting an infertility journey that would last longer than I had ever imagined. In November my period hadn't returned and we figured we would need help to conceive so I called my Doctor and made an appointment for January. In the meantime we bought a house and moved to Ogden, continually making preparations for the family we still hope to someday have.
January I had my first infertility appointment. Where I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) Our Doctor did some ultra sounds and showed me all the cysts on my ovaries and how swollen they were. We counted 26 on my right ovary and about 20 on my left. No wonder nothing was happening. She gave me prescriptions for Provera, Clomid, and Metformin. Once again I had hope. We were excited to start trying again and eager to get a positive pregnancy test. Still nothing happened. My period didn't come back and I had a negative test. This process repeated 4 times with no success. Each cycle began with a higher dose of Clomid and new hope, and ended with disappointment. The last round of Clomid came with more side effects than the rest. I had hot flashes all the time and just felt sick. So we gave it a rest for a month or so.
Through everything we've tried to stay family focused, always trying to improve our lives for the benefit of our future children. Though we've tried to keep a positive attitude, we don't always succeed. I've had my share of breakdowns in the last year. We've bought baby clothes and other things that we've seen on clearance. We have a bedroom set aside for our first child. We try to keep hope alive even when it seams pointless. We've shared some excitement, as well as some tears. We've learned so much and we've grown together. We try to have hope for what our future has in store. Our infertility journey is only beginning.
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